New Beginnings

Got a haircut today. Before it happened...I came damn near close to a mullet. Almost there. Something inside of me said, "gotta go get haircut. Now." Then, as the woman with the scissors ruffled my hair, deciding an appropriate course of action, another voice -deeper down- said, "don't you let her doit!"

"Gaul-dang-it, don't you be a pussy! Not this time!"

This other voice likes to speak in exclamation. Round these parts we call him the Rebel. He protested the entire time. Although, he had more profound/ relevant arguments than he regularly does. Ya see, normally his arguments involve a Shlitzy lisp with arms flailing in wide arks. And usually, not always, he wants to prove to you why institutions like the Government "don't want anybody to have anyfun anymore." Or "they don't want me to get no pussy either..."

He's right. Most of the time. He lives on his terms. It's too bad I'm not him. I live in wonder at how it all "could be?" My imagination occupies the what-if dimension. A necessity for creativity. And today, as I was sitting in the mullet-butcher's chair, I spent most of my time listening instead of arguing.

Mullets equal character. A definition people enjoy reading over and over again. True comedians should be making statements: of silliness. People should always be laughing. The mullet wave has come and gone and right now it's on the uncool/ perfect side again. Two of your favorite people have mullets: Kurt Russell and Bruce Lee. You'd probably get more work... Also, guess what, David Lee Roth Pussy!

OK, OK. Point taken. But at the time there was nothing I could do. The lady was already well into taking down the "Fisher Price My First Mullet" atop my skull with a pleasurable look on her face. I couldn't tell her to stop. I'd have walked out of Floyd's Barbershop looking like a redneck version of the sophisticated man/ elegant lady.


I let her cut. And cut and cut. Now I have the same-old high and tight haircut that I've been getting since I was a kid. Back when I lived in Stephen King's story "The Body." Instead, I've decided to view this day as the first in the life of my new mullet. Bruce and Kurt had to start somewhere, right? I think so. Besides, the winter is coming up... and the rear part of my neck gets might-tee cold.
-Chris