Cryptozoology

One of my absolute favorite subjects in the known Universe is Cryptozoology. The study of animals that may or may not exist. Particularly the legend of the Upright Ape (Sasquatch). You can have your Aliens and Government Conspiracies but give me my Sea Serpents, my Lake Monsters, and my Blurry Behemoths. The majority of people don't believe in these sorts of thing. Folks tend to look a little kooky when they express their views on the myths and legends of our world. Which is just a shame. Isn't it better to think that there are still some mysteries left in the world?

We already know that there are monsters in the Deep Ocean because it's all over the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. Consider, for a moment, The Colossal Squid which is 39-46 feet long, has the largest eyes in the animal kingdom, and is one of the largest living organisms on the planet. I know, It sounds fake but it's real and it's HUGE. I'm sure most people don't know anything about The Colossal Squid, nor do they care. Your average person has no occasion to encounter a Colossal Squid because he tends to hang out in places other than your local laundromat, movie theater, or watering hole. (Although, the latter is most likely.) Which brings me to my major point. Location.

Most of the places that these mythical animals are spotted are remote. The ground they cover widespread. People don't live there. That's why the squid in the picture below was the first whole specimen and wasn't found until 2003. To date, a fully mature A-dult hasn't been found. (The one in the picture is only 20 feet long. Can you believe that?)


People tend to not care about anything that isn't within their realm of experience. So, until a Sasquatch walks right through downtown Portland, people may never believe in him. Now, I'm not saying that without a doubt he exists... BUT it is possible. He could be out there. He may just want to be left alone. Sasquatch doesn't need us parading him around town, buying him hats, and handing him a cellphone so he can text his cousin, Yeti. Maybe he likes the peace and is hanging out waiting for the next ice age.

It should come as no surprise, though, that just about a week ago fresh, credible Abominable Snowman footprints were found in the Himalayas.


What also shouldn't surprise you is that these footprints were found by a guy who was in the middle of a scientific process known as "filming a television show." Even worse is that the title of the T.V. show is "Destination Truth" and airs on "The Science Fiction Channel" which does wonders for credibility, I guess.

Don't get me wrong. I love the SFC. They are responsible for one of my other hobbies... "Giant Monster" movies. (SFC has produced a whole string of silly features: Boa, Python, Boa vs. Python, King Cobra, Komodo vs. Cobra, Snake King, Mega Snake, Snakehead Terror... You know, the new classics. As well as two of my personal favorites: Frankenfish and Creature.) I never thought one of my hobbies would become a hinderance to the other but there you have it. A television station that is known for showing killer Bigfoot movies is now the leading authority when it comes to Yeti evidence.

The major problem with any Bigfoot Safari is that it exists in the first place. A true conundrum. As soon as you set out on your trek you're deemed a fruit loop. How can any scientist, worth his electron microscope, be determined to prove that the Legend is true and keep their good scientifical name in the process? Each good question deserves another. Where the hell is Jane Goodall when you need her?


Finally, witness the sign above... I worked at the Massachusetts State House for a few years and I know what has to happen in order for anything in a State to change. Do you have any idea how difficult the legislative process can be? Let alone put up a "Creature Resembling 'Bigfoot'" road sign? Every time I see this picture I get excited. I think it's the idea of a room full of business minded people in suits arguing the importance of a warning. This is minor evidence that some serious people may actually believe. A little imagination can go a long way. There's really no reason to find him. It's better if he's never caught. Let him remain a Legend...

Bigfoot. "The Rock Star of the Woods."

-Chris