The Mosquito

I was trying to get to sleep but there was this little bug "buzz buzzing" in my ear. It was a mosquito and I hate mosquitoes. Now, "Hate'" is a strong word, which is why I'm using it... I hate mosquitoes. Mainly because they get in your ear while you're trying to sleep.... "Buzz, buzz, buzzzzzzz." No matter what I did I couldn't swat him away and the anticipation of getting bitten was killing me.

Just bite me already and get on with it. So, I said, "Just go ahead and bite me..." And, as if he could hear me, he did. The Bastard bit me. And it hurt like a sonovabitch! But little did he know that I had set a trap for him. The "you bite me and I got your ass trap." Because it's easier to draw a bead on 'em when they're on the ground, on my ear....

So, I catch him but I don't squash him like most people would. I grab him in between my fingers and I turn on my bedroom lamp to get a better look... and he's stuck there in-between my fingers and he's got a look that says "Hey, I'm a mosquito. It's what I do!" And I immediately say, "Uh unh, no way, oh no you don't. Not this time motherfucker... that defense might work in court where you can get off on a technicality or some such but out here, in the world, crazy shit happens...

"Let's take, for instance, this example: YOU were just going to suck my blood! I think, in fact, I may see some of my plasma in yer little sack there. Now, you could have been anything. Anything at all. When you were a little bug you coulda decided to go to school, become a Fireman and saved lives, any number of things... You had a whole host of opportunities. The world was your oyster... but what did you decide? That's right. You had to be a Mosquito. Well not today motherfucker. Because I got you. And this... is the LAST time you suck mine or anyone else's blood. You little terrorist."

And with that I then tore him into pieces and buried him in the four corners of my bedroom. And I ate his little heart for strength... also, because I'm poor and can't afford a decent meal.

-Chris